Polarization in the workplace? Here’s how to resolve conflicts with coworkers
Disagreements in the workplace are nothing new, but sometimes emotions can run high. How can you ensure you handle these situations in a healthy way? In this article, we share practical tips for reducing tension, preventing escalation, and staying in control.
There’s that blunt comment about the war in Gaza again—the one that really gets to you. Once more, the behavior of a controversial celebrity is being glossed over. And for the umpteenth time, people are making light of the social issues that keep you up at night. Meanwhile, you go to the office with a stomachache from the stress, work is going poorly because you’d rather avoid contact and collaboration, and if you say anything about it, you’re met with a lack of understanding.
Earlier, we asked Ikram Choho, managing partner at Colourful Development and an expert in inclusive and unifying leadership, how employers can address polarization in the workplace. Now we asked her: what can you, as an employee, do to address conflict in the workplace?
Ikram was right to point out that we’ve been too quick to talk about polarization lately, even though differences of opinion have always existed. We don’t have to immediately assume the worst; instead, we can learn to deal with minor conflicts and disagreements, thereby preventing potential escalation. In this article, we’ll discuss what you, as an employee, can do when tensions run high among colleagues.
Take care of yourself
It might sound like the cheesiest tip we could give, but take care of yourself first! Just like when the oxygen masks drop down during a plane crash, you’re always responsible for yourself first before you can help others (i.e., the organization). When something happens that pushes you beyond your limits, you’re not obligated to report it immediately. It’s important to first take care of yourself and your own safety by stepping away from a particular situation and calming down, especially in an environment where you’re surrounded by many different people and opinions.
Count to ten
To make the best decision about how to take care of yourself right now, it might be a good idea to first “count to ten.” This will help ensure that you don’t react based on your emotions. Our emotions often lack perspective and actually narrow our view of the situation.
You may have a personal rule that you have to speak up right away about unacceptable behavior or a comment you find offensive, because otherwise you’ll have to let it go. But that’s not true—there’s nothing wrong with addressing the issue later; in fact, it can be even more effective. Not only will you avoid being overwhelmed by emotions if you address the issue later, The other person is also out of the situation in which they initially made the comment (for example, a group where someone wants to show off). Often, a good conversation with clear feedback is enough, and it turns out that it wasn’t their intention at all to hurt you. From there, it’s often possible to move forward together and prevent a similar situation from happening again, because you view each other with a little more understanding and empathy.
In fact, if you take a step back, you may realize that the conflict isn’t really about you or your problem at all. It may be that the issue that caused the tension is just a small part of a much larger problem within the organization.
Ask for help
Especially when the issue lies within the organization, you won’t be able to resolve it on your own—and that’s not the point. Part of taking good care of yourself is realizing that you don’t have to do everything alone. It’s a good idea to seek support from your manager, HR, or a trusted advisor regarding what you’re going through. They are professionals in conflict management, and together you can figure out what actually needs to be done. It might be that you need help to have that conversation with that one colleague, but it’s also possible that a change needs to take place in the organizational culture. The organization could then, for example, implement appropriate training.
So asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s not whining or seeking attention—it’s about ensuring constructive change within the organization. Ultimately, everyone benefits from that.If no one ever speaks up about, for example, certain jokes in the workplace, then it remains unknown that this is happening. As a result, the detrimental impact of this remains invisible to the entire organization. What you experience as your problem isn’t just about you; you are part of the company that you all shape together.
Go for it… or don’t!
Finally, once you’ve taken care of yourself and taken a step back, there’s always the option of doing nothing. That might seem to contradict the advice to ask for help, but taking care of yourself also means consciously choosing where to focus your energy; pick your battles. Sometimes you have to be the adult, and that requires a high level of emotional intelligence to let go of something without resentment. So make a clear decision for yourself about what you can and want to handle.
A useful tool for this is Stephen Covey’s Circle of Influence. The Circle of Influence includes everything you can change—which really boils down to your behavior, feelings, and thoughts. So you can certainly ask for help and start a conversation; that’s a good thing, and it’s important to take responsibility in order to make a difference. However, you unfortunately have little control over how the other person reacts or the circumstances. The trick is to accept what you cannot change, so you don’t keep frustrating yourself.
Keep in mind that if you decide not to address an issue, you must truly let it go. After all, it can be tempting to gossip instead of confronting the conflict. This kind of conflict-avoidant behavior contributes to fostering an “us versus them” culture.No one enjoys working in such a culture. Moreover, it is not conducive to team dynamics or your organization’s performance, and it significantly increases the likelihood that the next conflict will escalate.
Conclusion
How do we handle tensions among colleagues? This is always a challenge, and there’s no single right answer. But keep the tips mentioned earlier in mind: take care of yourself by stepping back for a moment, making clear decisions about where you want to focus your energy, and asking for help. Together, we can prevent situations from escalating and ensure that everyone can thrive in a pleasant, diverse work environment.
.avif)
