Polarization in the workplace? Here’s how to resolve conflicts with coworkers
Disagreements in the workplace are nothing new, but sometimes emotions can run high. How can you ensure you handle these situations in a healthy way? In this article, we share practical tips for reducing tension, preventing escalation, and staying in control.
There’s that blunt comment again about the war in Gaza that’s so close to your heart. Once again, the behavior of a controversial celebrity is being excused. And for the umpteenth time, people are making light of the social issues that keep you up at night. Meanwhile, you head to the office with a stomachache from the stress; work is going poorly because you’d rather avoid interaction and collaboration, and when you say something about it, you’re met with a lack of understanding.
Earlier, we asked Ikram Choho, managing partner at Colourful Development and an expert in inclusive and unifying leadership, how employers can address polarization in the workplace. Now we asked her: What can you, as an employee, do to address conflict in the workplace?
Ikram was right to point out that we may have been too quick to talk about polarization lately, even though differences of opinion have always existed. We don’t have to immediately assume the worst, but we can also learn to deal with minor clashes and disagreements, thereby preventing potential escalation well in advance. In this article, we’ll discuss what you, as an employee, can do when tensions run high among colleagues.
Take care of yourself
It might sound like the cheesiest tip we could give, but take care of yourself first! Just like when the oxygen masks drop down during a plane crash, you’re always responsible for yourself first before you can help others (i.e., the organization). When something happens that pushes you past your limits, you’re not obligated to speak up right away. It’s important to first take care of yourself and your own safety by stepping away from a particular situation and calming down—especially in an environment where you’re surrounded by many different people and opinions.
Count to ten
To make a good decision about how best to take care of yourself right now, it may be a good idea to first “count to ten.” This will help ensure that you don’t react based on your emotions. Our emotions often lack perspective and actually narrow our view of the situation.
You may have a personal rule that you have to speak up right away about unacceptable behavior or a comment you find offensive, because otherwise you’ll have to let it go. But that’s not true—there’s nothing wrong with addressing the issue later; in fact, it can be even more effective. Not only are you less likely to be overwhelmed by emotions when you address the issue later, But the other person is also out of the situation in which they initially made the comment (for example, a group where someone wants to show off). Often, a good conversation with clear feedback is all it takes, and it turns out that it wasn’t that person’s intention to hurt you at all. From there, it’s often possible to move forward together and prevent a similar situation from happening again, because you view each other with a little more understanding and empathy.
In fact, if you take a step back, you may realize that the conflict isn’t about you or your problem at all. It’s possible that the issue that caused tempers to flare is just a small part of a much larger problem within the organization.
Ask for help
Especially when the issue is rooted within the organization, you won’t be able to resolve it on your own—and that’s not the point anyway. Part of taking good care of yourself is realizing that you don’t have to do everything alone. It’s a good idea to seek support from your manager, HR, or a trusted advisor regarding what you’re going through. They are professionals in conflict management, and together you can figure out what actually needs to be done. It might be a matter of getting help to have that conversation with that one colleague, but it could also mean that a change needs to take place in the organizational culture. In that case, the organization could, for example, implement appropriate training.
So asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s not whining or drawing attention to yourself—it’s about ensuring that constructive changes take place within the organization. Ultimately, everyone benefits from this. If no one ever speaks up about, for example, certain jokes in the workplace, then it remains unknown that this is happening. As a result, the detrimental impact of this on the entire organization remains invisible. What you experience as your problem isn’t just about you—you’re part of the company that you all shape together.
Go for it… or don’t!
Finally, once you’ve taken care of yourself and taken a step back, there’s always the option to do nothing. That might seem a bit contradictory to the advice to ask for help, but taking care of yourself also means consciously choosing where to invest your energy; pick your battles. Sometimes you have to be the adult, and that requires a high level of emotional intelligence to let go of something without resentment. So make a clear decision for yourself about what you can and want to handle.
A useful tool for this is Stephen Covey’s Circle of Influence. The Circle of Influence includes everything you can change—which is really just your behavior, feelings, and thoughts. So you can indeed ask for help and start a conversation; that’s good, and it’s important to take responsibility in order to make a difference. However, unfortunately, there’s little you can do about how the other person reacts or the circumstances. The trick is to accept the things you can’t change, so you don’t keep frustrating yourself.
Keep in mind that if you decide not to follow up on an issue, you should actually let it go. After all, it can be tempting to gossip instead of addressing the conflict head-on. This kind of conflict-avoidant behavior contributes to fostering an “us versus them” culture. No one enjoys working in such a culture. Furthermore, it is not conducive to team dynamics or your organization’s performance, and it significantly increases the likelihood that the next conflict will escalate.
Conclusion
How do we handle tensions among colleagues? This is always a challenge, and there’s no single right answer. But keep the tips mentioned earlier in mind: take good care of yourself by stepping back for a moment, making clear decisions about where you want to focus your energy, and asking for help. Together, we can prevent situations from escalating and ensure that everyone can thrive in a pleasant, diverse work environment.
